She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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