Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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