I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
