Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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