Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
