he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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