Who wears a wallet chain?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
