oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
