so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
