I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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