I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
