I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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