I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
