eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
