I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
