I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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