Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
