I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
