So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
