You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
