The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found a bag of teeth...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
