Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
