my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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