dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
