I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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