are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
