My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
