How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Found your dick twin last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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