Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
