Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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