Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
