Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
God I need to hump something, right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
