your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
