Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
