I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
