i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
