12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this boner is exhausting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
