Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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