Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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