my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
