Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
