they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
