Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
