I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize