he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize