Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
