6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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