3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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