you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
