You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
