sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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