I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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