SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
