the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
