Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
