Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i already hear my dad disowning me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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