Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
