She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
