You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
