She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
