I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
