I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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