You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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