Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
