Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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