i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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