Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
