so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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