She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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