you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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