I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
