Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
