Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
