Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
