my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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