I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize