you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
