he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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