i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
