Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
