ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
