my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
