i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
