Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
