He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
