After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were trust falling into bushes
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